what korean dramas have taught me…

**post by nichan**

Coffee Prince posterThis weekend i watched some “coffee prince” and “vampire prosecutor” on drama fever, and the two following lists happened as a result:

things i have learned from korean dramas:
1.) the best reaction to any stressful or confusing situation is to vigorously mess up your hair while growling or hissing.
2.) if you’re a girl, and you wear glasses, it is required by law that you get the crappiest haircut imaginable.
3.) if you’re a guy, it is socially acceptable to wear black underwear underneath white pants.
4.) it doesn’t matter if he loves you, or even likes you, or even knows you exist; all that matters is that you force him to marry you, even if you need to threaten to bury him alive to make it happen.
5.) the smaller, scrawnier, and poorer the girl, the more capable she is to out-eat, out-drink, out-carry, out-work, and out-fight the average male main character.
6.) it’s way more polite to rifle through the entire contents of somebody’s house for clues to a mystery than to just directly ask them questions.
7.) if you’re a girl, table manners are of absolute importance: put the bowl right up to your lips, shovel ALL of the food into your mouth in one fell swoop, and under no circumstances take the time to chew before swallowing. you should do this with your bare fingers, but if you’re feeling lazy, you can resort to employing a spoon. if you do settle for using a spoon, however, you must hold it in a death grip, as there is a very good chance that you’ll swallow it whole during the rush.
8.) if you’re about to go out into public with a poor person, it is common practice to take them to a designer fashion outlet and re-clothe them from head to toe so that they won’t embarrass you for the thirty seconds you plan on being seen with them.
9.) your grandma is going to rule your life with an iron fist until you give her great-grandchildren.
10.) it’s utterly okay to pick your nose while talking to someone, but only if you’re willing to really go at it and jam your finger in right up to the middle knuckle. further, feel free to wipe the boogers off on whichever is closer: an armrest or your friend’s knee.

Vampire Prosecutor poster
two things i learned from watching “vampire prosecutor”:

1.) if you’re a vampire prosecutor, the awesome thing to do is put on a really ridiculous outfit, go to a totally pretentious bar, and buy blood from a guy who looks rather like a high maintenance gay pimp. but, but!, the most important part is to have truly epic, and absolutely unrelated, theme music. try blaring a rap song about “call of duty”, and make sure the f-bomb gets dropped every other syllable. that’s how the cool vampire prosecutors do it!
2.) the original definition of “gangnam style” is to suck all of the blood out of an 8-year-old orphan so you can use it to maintain your youth. …which sort’ve makes it creepy that the entire world’s been dancing about it ever since.

One comment

  • Lol to no. 8.

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